Upholding my UNimportance

September 12, 2010

I’m going to admit three not-so-pretty things I noticed about myself last week.

  1. I take ME too seriously.
  2. It’s not helpful or necessary.
  3. I know I will struggle to change.

When I care about something, I put my whole heart into it. This is true for all endeavors, personal and professional. As I grow older, I’m able to be more mindful, if only in retrospect sometimes. Noticing these three tendencies has allowed me to let go a little. “She Let Go” was a nice find. Actually it found me vs. me finding it. Isn’t it interesting how life works that way? Here is another:

Most of our energy goes into upholding our importance. If we were capable of losing some of that importance, two extraordinary things would happen to us. One, we would free our energy from trying to maintain the illusory idea of our grandeur; and two, we would provide ourselves with enough energy to catch a glimpse of the actual grandeur of the universe.

~Carlos Casteneda

This blog has primarily been about me. Am I really that important? Not. At. All. But blogging has helped me sort through a lot of stuff. In processing this stuff I’ve noticed that I feel drawn to share things that inspire me in the hopes of inspiring others, hence the recent quotes and poems. Reading another person’s words transports me out of “me-me-thinking-mind” and into a different space.

With the recent career division of writing more than teaching, I’ve found myself writing mostly about topics that have nothing to do with me. I LOVE this but must find a balance again with the importance issue. (I’m nervous about people criticizing my writing.) So that I can draw inspiration and have a place to draft written work, I created a new website, namaste*hOMe. There I intend to write mostly privately and to share inspiration related to my new employment (home interior/furniture/design). Drop me a comment and let me know what you think.

One final thought . . . when I write about finding *balance* like I did a few posts back know the finding is more fleeting than permanent. I’m a work in process always and I am thankful for the journey always.

Have a bLiSsFuL sUnDaY!


On Finding Balance

September 6, 2010

A few posts back, I wrote about feeling depleted. I needed to find center, and did just that last week, sort of. I “took stock”. I figured a few things out. Two aspects of my life that are absolutely critical to happiness? Yoga and writing. It’s become increasingly clear that I need to create and keep a balance of both. For the last few years, the majority of my work has been teaching yoga. My writing life existed only in freelancing and blogging. Not enough. However, in 2008 I left my old life to escape corporate America, focus on family and to teach yoga. I should be happy, right?

In my old life I wrote a lot professionally. This part was quite fulfilling. However, family life was secondary to professional life because of a lack of time and constantly being stressed and tired.  I barely practiced yoga then. I needed it more than ever. I realized this life, this job was not serving me personally, professionally or spiritually. I left. No, not just like that. It was difficult. I struggled with the decision even after making it . . . was it the right decision? would I make the same kind of money again? who am I now, really?  In the end, it absolutely was the right decision for me. But it’s taken two years to find balance.

Teaching yoga has and continues to be fulfilling, but only if its balanced with other aspects of life. If all of my eggs are in the yoga basket, off-balance I go again. My yoga practice means so much to me and I teach from that place. It’s personal and I care about it and I want others to experience it deeply.  While its not about me, it is still from me. I give of myself through my teaching.

I began a new job about a month ago and its given me more of an intellectual challenge than I’ve had since I left my old life two years ago. The job incorporates customer service, web design and *writing* . . . YAY!  And the best aspect? I can work from home. I can take M to school and pick her up. I can have dinner with my family in the evenings. I can do laundry on my breaks throughout the day. I don’t have to drive or spend money on gas. My new employer is straight-forward about his expectations. Lines of communication are wide open. He is extremely family-oriented and hopes that his employees share this enthusiasm.  Do the job well, get the work done and get-on with enjoying your life! Amazing. Energizing. I am exhilarated that life placed me on this path. Two years later and I’m doing both of the things I love . . . writing and teaching.

This post was partially inspired by Nikki, who left a comment on my blog yesterday. She found her way here from a post by Emma at The Joy of Yoga, who wrote about single kid-less yoga teachers. It got me thinking about my own life, how I define it and what is important. My daughter, M, is not wee little; she’s pre-teen and she needs me as much now as she did during diaper and toddler years. . . maybe more so. She’s into her friends, sports, even boys. But she talks to me. I want to keep it that way. Spending time with her, nourishing our relationship is critical and its exactly what I intend to do as she continues to grow. Being a mom is the number one reason I exist right now.  I can’t imagine it any differently. Being a mom automatically places you in a teaching role, but just like being a yoga teacher, I learn by keeping my heart open. In life we are ALL teachers and we are ALL students. When we begin to define and set strict rules around how we are supposed to be, how our lives are supposed to be, we get stuck. Being a yoga teacher and a mom only gives me different experiences in which to work from.

The key to all of it?  Balance.  For me it includes work, practicing yoga, teaching, writing, creating, spending quality time with friends and family. It is all important.  I worked almost 50 hours last week, but I was home most of the time. I only taught one class as I was on break from OhioU. This week I’ll start back at OhioU and work a bit less at the other job.  Balance.

This weekend was wonderful! I felt justified in only doing what I (we/family) wanted to do! M and I created jewelry, Random Acts of Kindness Cards and Up-cycled Magazine Envelopes for my Etsy shop. J, M and I went to the high school football game. We hung out with friends. We drove to Athens to absorb the eclectic college town vibe. We cooked out. We made homemade pizza. We watched movies. We slept in. We ate ice cream. We talked. We laughed (a lot). We loved.

Enjoy this beautiful day! As for me, I’m going for a walk before working a few hours this afternoon . . .

Peace Love and Light,


Effort and Ease

April 27, 2010

Wow . . . writing. What’s that? I was beginning to wonder. So, I’m back, hopefully in a consistent manner now. Thanks to all who have continued to visit me in spite of my missing-in-action-ness. (I love that I get to make up my own words on my blog and it’s not against the rules!) I’ve found so many good friends via my blog for whom I am TRULY gratful. Jamie from On the Mat left a cute message on Twitter asking our other yogi-bloggers to take a day trip to Ohio to find me. You are so sweet, Jamie.

Very soon I will be posting after pics from our home remodel. We are 99% there. The slate wall is 3/4 of the way up, with only the top layer left. Besides that we still need to trim. SO, I will either post when completely finished or when it looks like it will be another year before we get to the details. Thanks for all of your comments and well-wishing. I feel truly blessed and grateful!

So, for my post-break debut, I thought I’d write about a recurring issue for me lately.  I’m fairly certain all of us may struggle with it, so it was my topic for classes last week to give my students a taste of moving from one to the other . . .

Effort and Ease

How do we find a balance between the two in our lives?

Image courtesy of Flickr

Just like a teeter totter, it’s all about balance.

A few weeks ago, I was going about my business when suddenly I became aware of my jaws.  They were tight.  I was clenching my teeth!  This was in a random moment in the middle of the day.  While I know that I’ve had a larger amount of stress in my life than normal, I thought to myself, “Wow . . . is it really that bad, to be clenching my teeth?”  Apparently so, because I was.  Of course it lead to greater awareness throughout my body and it made me think about the importance of both effort and ease in our lives.

Most of us spend the majority of our lives in an outward fashion . . . working, interacting with friends and co-workers, completing tasks, doing, going, never stopping.  While this effort is important to accomplish necessary tasks and to get ahead in our chosen careers and professions, if it is all we do we are MISSING our lives.

Mindfulness is key, which is where ease comes in.  After efforting to accomplish tasks, how do we ease into the results.  Or, when things don’t go our way, how do we ease into whatever situation we find ourselves in.  This has been a lesson ~ and a blessing of mine as J and I have been working on the house.  I’ll admit it, when I want things done, I want them done NOW.  However, I’ve come to realize that tasks don’t always get done in the manner and fashion in which you want them to.  I’ve learned that I needed to find ease in each and every situation I’m in.  Things are as they are and wishing them to be different only creates more stress.  I am happy to report that I’ve finally found the ease I’ve been seeking.

I love this about yoga.  Nothing is static.  It’s all about practice.  Day in and day out.  Each day is different, yet the same.  We learn. We grow.  I am thankful to have found this beautiful practice and to have it be such a meaningful part of my life.

Balance

Mindfulness

Breath

Be in the moment and be grateful for all that IS!

This is my new Mantra.

Happy Tuesday.  I’ve missed my blog and friends who visit!  I’m back ;-)


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